Voice

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I'm not the quiet type. It’s never really been in my nature. I like to talk and debate and discuss. I love robust conversations and the space to thrash out ideas and explore different possibilities. I'm a major extrovert and I often say I think in that out of body space. I process through talking and hearing and reflecting. I am a community learner. It’s a big part of my nature.

I'm also a thinker and a questioner. I love to learn. But I want to know what I'm learning stands up and I want to know how it works out and I want to know what impact it has on my life.

And when I became a Christian I brought all of me in to faith. I brought all of me into community. My extroverted, conversation loving, passionate, learning hungry self.

At first it was easy to be me.

And slowly bit by bit it became less so.

Slowly, so slowly I didn’t notice at first, it became easier to agree. Easier to accept. Easier to not question. Easier to not disagree. Easier not to speak up.

Slowly I began to lose myself. Slowly I began to lose my voice.

And now my heart yearns to gain its voice. My heart yearns for a place where I can be me, in all my beautiful messiness. My heart yearns for a place where I can talk and think and dream with kindred Spirits.

It yearns for a community which is really a family and not just a group of people turning up to the same space once a week. Where life and faith are synonymous. Where Jesus is talked about openly and freely. Where what it means to really live out the Bible is explored and enacted. Where mission is a lifestyle and not an activity. Where there is no ‘fine’ but there is every emotion besides. Where there is life and love and trust and wholeness. Where there is family.

I yearn.

I yearn for more.

I yearn for a home.